What's next?

I've recently began to wonder what's next for me? As my friends are graduating from college and moving out of the state I can't help but wonder how my life is going to change now that most of my friends won't be around Reno to enjoy my time left with me. It is going to be a challenge and a challenge that I am willing to accept though I don't want to at this time. I have gotten close with a group of friends that come Saturday morning, will ALL have been graduated and moving on with their lives. A few already have their degrees but the one I am closest too will be graduating come Saturday morning. It will be a bittersweet moment as I'll watch her graduate and than i will be stuck with the question "what's next?"

So for me, what is next? I will continue to go to school at UNR and I will continue to work at the student union on campus but it just won't be the same. With people leaving and new people coming in (of course, I don't like change.. surprise surprise) I will have to deal with a lot of change going on in my life and I'm sure my friends that are moving and graduating will have to deal with the same kind of change. It will be hard for a lot of us but what's next can be a positive question. As I have been thinking about this question for about a month now, it has always been a depressing question to me.

I don't want to think about the change that is going to happen.
I don't want to think about what is going to happen next because I don't know what the outcome will me.
Buuuuut what if this question is taken in the light..
What new exciting adventures can I partake in now?
What new friends will I make?
What's next for my life?

I've come up with the perfect answer to that question for my life. So ask me, what's next?
What's next is a bowl full of opportunities, new adventures with new friends, fun times and new memories, an exciting summer, a best year to top off the last (though that will be mighty hard to do...), and last but not least.. lots and lots of play time.

So as I take a "half full" look at my life, I'm not too worried about what's next because I know I can make it whatever I want it to be regardless of all the change in my life. It will be positive and happy and exciting all wrapped in one and I can't help but excited about what's next.

Where will THIS take me?

I recently took a drive to Tahoe for the day to hang out with a friend that lives up there. To anyone that knows me, you know very well that I get lost very easily and have no sense of direction when it comes to getting from point A to point B. This roadtrip was no different. I ended up about 20 minutes out of the way and had to turn around and start all over pretty much.

I stopped and got directions from someone that was either high off something or an addict that needed their fix. His directions to me started off pretty good, "You'll need to get back on 395 N..." and then that's when it started going downhill, "at the 7-11 take a left and then you'll go through a stop sign. Go all the way through it and then the next one, wait maybe it's the one after that, well anyways take a right at a stop sign and just go straight and then a left somewhere else so just look for signs." Where is that supposed to even take me? Once I got back on 396 N I stopped again and asked an older lady. Every direction that she gave me ended in a little lesson (i.e. "Get back on 395 N but make sure you are careful when turning, don't get killed," "Go through the roundabout, but those things are tricky so make sure to open your eyes"). Her directions got me where I was going but what about the directions I set out for myself?

I am openly admitting that a lot of the decisions that I have made in my life have made me stop to ask the question "Where is THIS taking me?" Most of the time I have no idea but I came up with a really good answer that has brought me peace in the situation.

When I make poor decisions today, tomorrow, or the next day, I will answer the question of "where will THIS take me?" by simply stating "I'm young and don't need it to go anywhere right now." So cheers to taking on another way of looking at life and having the best experiences I can while being young and stupid.

Do you want to have a slumber party in my basement?

So music is a big part of my life. I love to sing, I love to play guitar and I love listening to music. Anyone who knows me knows that I don't go anywhere without my iPod and some headphones. They also know that I am very opinionated so of course that voice comes out when I talk about music. So here goes my rant.

Ke$ha has some fun songs.. Songs that can get me excited to go out at night and are fun to sing but does she have any meaning in any of her songs?! Not at all. In one of her songs she asks if "you want to have a slumber party in my basement?" NO KE$HA I DO NOT WANT TO SLEEP IN A BASEMENT WITH YOU WHEN I CAN SLEEP IN MY OWN COMFY BED WHERE IT'S NOT DSIGUSTINGLY IN A BASEMENT. Why would she ever ask a question like that? Maybe if she was asking if I wanted to have a slumber party in her room I would consider.. No basements for me please.

Another hot song that has been playing on the radio (too much) is "Like a G6." The chorus goes a little something like this..

Poppin' bottles in the ice like a blizzard (How is poppin' bottles in the ice anything like a blizzard? Far East Movement, please go somewhere where there is snow, aka get out of the bay, and experience a real blizzard because that doesn't make any sense to any sane American. Thank you for making us look dumber than we already are)

When we sip we do it right gettin' slizzard

Sippin sizurp in my ride like 3 6 (Another thing Far East Movement, why are you going to be sippin sizurp in your ride? Thank you for promoting driving under the influence like any great role model would.. You're really making America proud. I also understand that you are from the bay but only a small percentage of people are from the bay when comparing it to the rest of the country so when you say "like 3 6" not than many people understand.. Having a conversation with my roommate we both could not figure out what that meant and finally we figured it out! 3 6 is 3 6 mafia! She is from the bay and I am from Sacramento and we both couldn't figure it out for awhile)

So please Far East Movement, be a little brighter in your music.

Last but definitely not least.. Willow Smith is a new and upcoming artist that is 9 years old. She sings a song called "I whip my hair back and forth." WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?! Willow Smith is 9 years old and doesn't really have hair to "whip" back and forth so I'm a little confused. She wakes up in the morning and turns her swag on (how do 9 years turn their swag on? Is it different than Soulja Boy's swag?)

I would like to thanks stumbleupoon for helping me find a site that has the top 99 upcoming songs. It's the best site ever (www.wearehunted.com).. SO if you want to hear good upcoming music that YOUUUUU can choose, checking out this website would be the best.

Who's your bestfriend?

There's always that question, "who is your bestfriend?" It's a question that time after time will stay the same but the answer may differ. I love my friends, I have more than one bestfriend and they all know that I will be there for them no matter what time of the night it is and they know that I will always love them. I was thinking about "who is my BESTESTfriend?" and I couldn't come up with anyone and then it dawned on me..

My bestfriend is my mom. She's always the one that I will call at 4 o'clock in the morning bawling my eyes out because I got in a fight with a friend or I got dumped by a stupid boy. My mom is always the one to make me feel better when all I want to do is crawl up in a little bawl and die. She's the one that will take my phone calls when no one else will and she is always my backbone when I think that I can't be strong enough for myself. I just kept thinking about what I would do if I didn't have her in my life and I couldn't even imagine it.

IF she isn't going to be my backbone than I don't know who would be. Whenever there is something bothering me, no matter how stupid or idiotic I sound, my mom will always hear me out. She has always been there to root me on with whatever my heart desired and she is the one that picks me up after I have fallen. My mom is everything to me.

No matter how many times someone will ask me who my bestfriend is, the question and the answer will always be the same. My mom. I will still of course mention my fellow bestfriends, but they might come and go. My mom will be there forever.

Why her?

Everyone has someone in their life that they would do anything for. Some have more than one, and some just have one. I have more than one person that I would do anything for. That includes my 12 year old cousin. She has gone through a lot in her life and sometimes I find myself asking the question "why her?" Some of the questions I ask have been answered.

Why was she the one that was born with down syndrome? Because if she never was, our family wouldn't be aware of how amazing and wonderful she really is. I probably wouldn't have such a big heart for kids with disabilities. Hayden with down syndrome has taught me that she isn't just special. She's amazing. She makes me laugh whenever I am down and I can't help but hurt when she hurts too.

So why her? Why did she also have to be born with a heart defect? She had heart surgery when she was really young and we all thought that was the worst of it. We thought that she was now our perfect little angel. She lived through that, she could live through anything. But it's like we never stop getting hit in the face.

A year or two ago Hayden started having chest problems. She got an x-ray and it came back that she had a tumor. They took out the tumor that was benign and she went back to being her cute little happy self. She was cured, well what we thought.. Then about a month ago Hayden was diagnosed with having another tumor. Same type as the last so we all had high hopes.

Why her? Why does she have to be the one with such a hard life? Why does this perfect little girl have to be the one that is hurting? I want to take all the pain I can away from her and do it myself. If I could be as strong as she is, then I wouldn't have anything to worry about.

About a week ago, while back at school, I found out that Hayden's tumor wasn't benign this time and she has cancer. So why her? Isn't it enough that she has already had so many surgeries?

Hayden is my little sunshine when I'm sad. Even when she gets mad at me there's no way that I can get mad at her. She could yell at me and tell me how much she doesn't like me that day and I will love her with everything in me. It's like she can fill up my heart so much that it overflows. So why her? Why does God have to be so cruel sometimes?

It's one question I don't have answered..

What if the world was more like Carina?

So I go to Catalina Island every year for a camp called Campus By The Sea. A few years ago I met a family there that has a little girl named Carina in it. A few days ago that family called me and asked me to babysit there kids while they go and get one of their kids from a camp. So of course I said yes because I love them so much. Carina has Down Syndrome and can be a handful at times but the things that this girl says makes you just want to be with her 24/7. Who doesn't want a little girl complimenting you on everything?
"I like your shiny black hair!"
"I like your necklace!"
"I like your dress!"
You get the picture. So what if the world was more like Carina? Always there for you when you need a pick me up, and always there to make you feel better about yourself.

Girls go through a time when they think that they are so ugly, and there are so many different things wrong with them. Carina makes you feel like you are just as God intended you to be that you are the prettiest girl on the planet. Like I said, I babysat her for about 6 hours the other day and as soon as I walked in.. The compliments started flowing.

Carina: "HI!! Are you Makena's sister?"
Me: "Yeah, I'm Kili."
Carina: "Oh, hello Kili!" (Gives me a hug, for no reason)
"Where are your shoes?"
Me: "They are right over here.."
Carina: "Oh, I like your flip flops. They are very pretty."
"And I like your hair. It's like Barbie hair!"

Who doesn't want to hear that when they walk in the door?

So the next time you tell someone that there is something wrong about them, think about how great it would feel to hear someone tell you that you are the most gorgeous perosn in the world. Everyone needs a pick me up every once in a while. Carina is my pick me up! :)

In reality, Carina is everyone's pick me. I hope you get to meet her one day. She also gives the best hugs. So loving.

What else can go wrong?

So let me just say that I wouldn't change a thing about going to Europe. Everything that happened to me and everything that I did definitely made me who I am today.. I grew up a lot and definitely lost a lot of things on the way. It all started on the first day..

I got into Milan at about 8 in the morning and got to the hotel about 1-2 hours later. Once I got to the hotel they told me that my room wasn't ready so I should try and go out and look for something to do or hang out in the lobby.. I went and ventured out into Milan but I was really really tired. I finally got a room 3-4 hours later and went straight to bed.. Finally everyone got there.. :) way better now.

Next thing bad that happened was the next day when we were on the bus going to the Duomo in Milan and someone threw up on the bus.. Oh, and it was very very very hot that day so the bus definitely had a tang to it after that.. Good thing that we got a different bus the next day haha.

In Venice it rained a lot so that did suck but oh well, we were in Venice. When we were on the boat leaving the lace factory (which was oooooober lame btw) and I was sitting next to a window when all of a sudden we hit a wave and it decided to come through the little window and splash me, and only me.. my head and shirt was soaking.. good thing that I had another shirt in Kristen's backpack.. sweet..

Next up was Lucca and I lost my phone when we were in the TOURIST center.. Of all places! I called the center and they said that nothing was turned in and when I called it, it went straight to voicemail so I knew that someone took it.. That was a sucky time cause there was noooo way to get ahold of momma Kristen and papa Peter.. Oh well.. Life goes on.

Then it rained in every city we went to after that and finally it was time to go out into the world on my own (well with Kristen too...). PARIS WAS NEXT! We met some cool Australians.. and it was definitely a good trip.. until the last day. Besides the fact that when in Paris Kristen and I split up for the day.. I lost my ATM card from the cab that we took to the train station.. How? I have nooooo flippin idea. (OH and to top THAT off.. The cab driver was a crazy old hag who started the timer on the cab when she started putting our bags in the car.. weird, and not okay).

Next and last up was London.. For 5 days Kristen and I were sick of each other and just wanted to come home so the whooooole trip was just not that great.

Something happened in every city but I can say that there were more good than bad. Things that happened on that trip, I will remember forever and can't wait to go back and do it all over again. All of the things that I got to experience just made me a bigger and better person. I grew up a lot of the course of 18 days and it is just what I need before I start college. How many 17 year olds are able to say that they got to see The Last Supper, or the Statue of David? How many are able to say that they walked all the way up and down the Eiffel Tower in 1 hours and 57 minutes? Or able to say that they took pictures at the Leaning Tower of Pisa, Buckingham Palace, Big Ben, and saw the walls of Lucca in 3 weeks? Not that many, and for that reason.. I am very blessed and thankful that it was ME that was able to experience it all.

I wouldn't change anything that changed me for the better